The first time I opened the heavy white doors to the courthouse, I was terrified. The January air was cold and thin and every click my heels made on the marble floor sounded like the ticking of a cartoon bomb. I was Wylie Coyote about to run over a cliff with a bouquet of dynamite. I could tell from the eyes that greeted me in the hallway not one of them understood; no one who knew me before my divorce was okay with the fact that I NEEDED to change.
With my mother’s voice echoing in my head “Ami, a closed fist can receive nothing,” I sat with my hands open on my lap for the next 3 hours. Like a yogi in meditation. I had to let my past go.
I wish I had known then how many good things were in store for me. I still fail (a lot). BUT I have mastered the art of how to not let failing shatter me. I have learned to live in the moment and not concern myself with anything else.
There is a theory that time is immutable; we can try to change its course, but it WILL reach its destination regardless. So while I enjoy my adventure and navigate the ripples, I will prepare for the possibility that one day I’ll get everything I ever dreamed of.
Maybe I already have.
Ami Needham is a recovering traditionalist who now proudly carries a Bohemian banner. She grew up on the Oklahoma plains before moving to Kentucky almost 15 years ago. She has served on multiple nonprofit boards benefiting the homeless and art education for youth. She is happiest spending time with her boys on the water and suffers from an incurable wanderlust. @thepreppybohemian
What a wonderful thing to learn, and keep learning. I’m so glad you’ve moved on from that place of pain and darkness and into light.